 | BEFORE YOU LOVE:Begin to Date |
Today we have more technology, more counselors, more Viagra, more sexy lingerie, and more marriage seminars than ever before, and yet our divorce rate continues to cross the fifty percent mark. Be honest with yourself about wanting a relationship. No matter how successful, how large the house, how lucrative the business, who will you come home to? What will you do when you retire and want to travel? Who will you walk beside when your hair is silver and your gait is slower?  |
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As a Mum of a 21yr old and 18yrs old I am finding it difficult to find some good resources to help our sons understand dating and marriage. Could you please assist us - we would be very grateful as they have friends (Youth Pastors) who date and we as parents r concerned about this.
Before u do something think carefully.and ask God be with you.the bible says ask the Lord to bless your plans,and you will be succesfull in caring the out
However much I might try to overlook it. I noticed am so concerned about dating(courtship) at this time. I have a brother am praying and watching at the same time. As much I feel like getting on with marriage I also think i should take my time and make sure we are meant for each other. I believe some sisters also hang on test of time to solidify decision for life patner. I am longing for the audio version of this book. Opportuned to listen to all 3 teachings and want to round it up with this book. I strongly believe what Bishop said about looking very well before leaping and that is just what am going to do. Thanks again.
Sis Ebby
My friend and I have been dating now for about 3 months.He told me he is a widower and that his still having problem with her passing and that it will that time,it’s been 1 year next month Now I know it may take some time for people to still grief and I don’t have a problem with that but at times when were together I really don’t want to hear about some of the things that they used to do together, So my question is as a child of God am I being mean or am I kind of right? I mean when ever we look at tv and somthing comes on he talks about her when go for a ride he sometimes talks about her when we eat a certain food he talks about her,should I just be pateince,I did tell him about this and his like well it’s something that was a part of my life and I’ll always have those memories and again I don’t haave a problem with that BUT when is enoigh enough? I do love him and he loves me and treats me well,he is getting help for his depression because of the pasting of his wife,what should I do Pastor,God Bless
I read your comment. I would first like to say that no you are not being mean or selfish in my opinion. However, from what you describe in your relationship and your partner, he may not be ready to date as you are. Grief i sdiferent for every person. He sounds like waht he really needs is a friend to be patient and to build trust - he is open to talk to you so the trust is probably there. You must be brave and explain to him exactly what you expect from the reationship with him and he must be clear with you. If he wants romance then you must be honest and tell him how his constant dicussion of his belated makes you feel less important - like yo are just a space filler and you do not want that - but if he wants a friend then be a loving friend and don’t tie yourself to him - you will be hurt in the end. Been there - and years late he thanked me for being his friend.
I believe that greaving is normal for a while. However at some point the other person needs to consider moving on. Also asking for the God’s help to do just that will make a difference.
Did you say you were dating for three months? How long did you know him before then? How long was he married? Have you put the shoe on the other foot? Just a few questions to ask yourself before you tell him you dont want him to talk about his feelings.
Hello my sister You asked a question what should I do? When you have to ask such a question like that you should just be still and wait on God because He will insruct you in what to do.
I have recently began dating this gentlemen who is from a different culture (nigerian) and a christain-catholic. This gentlemen is very caring and compassionate. I never have put too much credence in opposites attracting, we really are opposites. He is quiet and the thinker and I am the extrovert and impulsive. I enjoy stimulating conversations and/or discussions with him sometimes it appears the differences in our culture could potentially too much to overcome. What do you recommend?
I’ve been divorced now for 6 years. I haven’t dated at all. I’ve learned alot about myself. I look better than I ever have. I’m independent. I know a whole about me and my junk. I think I may have dealt with it yet how will I really know? I thinking about dating but now marrying, not sure about marriage but I would like to date. First is there anything wrong with dating without interest in marraige and second how can I walk in a junk free life?
I talked to my boyfriend for 6 months before we dated. He was everything I wanted or so I thought. After dating a year, a month and a week I notice that I was never getting the love I put out in return. Did he not notice what he was doing? Did he know understand when I clearly said I dont feel loved or appreciated? We broke up because I felt like he was gaining a great reward by having me and I was losing sight of who I should/could be. He had it all Money, cars, and goals and everything I asked God for but yet I still had to let him go. Eight months later it is still painful and Im trying to get over it. We dont communicate anymore I felt that would help. I just purchased Before You Do online and cant wait to read it. I need guidance, help, closure, and mobility to move to were I should be. My ex was a wonderful man of God but I feel used me because I love to give. I love him but refuse to not be loved.
Good for you girl! Who wants to love someone who isn’t loving them in return. You are a Princess, an Heir, a Child of the MOST HIGH GOD! Walk in your calling until He sends someone worthy of the precious jewel,the diamond that you are!
I have been through that and until you become interested in the ways you can please God you can never find your man. God is a jealous God. WE must listen to him and let him lead no matter how long or hard it is. God sustains us and when you are ready to love unselfishly and the man God has for you is ready to treat you like the church. Give his everything and more you STAND. Don’t let others tell you who you should date. Right now you are God’s woman. He will do the choosing. Stay prayed up.
I a 34yo single female, never been married and would like to be. My last relationship was 21/2 years ago, I have not ‘dated’ during this time. I’m ready to date again, however, I have yet to find anyone and I am concerned. My concern is I like the fact that I am growing at my own pace, I’m furthering my education, I got a promotion on my job, I’m improving my financial status and I’m working out and doing the things I like to do, I am getting older however, and I have not met anyone yet. I am tired of family and friends asking me when I’m going to get married? I DON’T KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION, I’M NOT EVEN DATING ANYONE MUCH LESS MARRIAGE. I CAN MANUFACTURE A GUY. I need to know what are the things I should be thinking about? I want to be married, have two children Eden and Michael, a german shepherd, a large home, success and all that means. Help me with my thoughts.
Marsha L
dear Marsha,you need to know that all things work together for our good, you are not too late or old for marriage. all iwould say is look up to God and explain every bit of your desires make it precise, you may also take a step of faith and write them down (Haggai 2:1-4)there is power in writting. set yourself to prayer and lay before God the list of your desire, speak to them, start seeing yourself in that wedding gown, you can also go window shopping for wedding gowns and all that you need as a bride,speak to your belly and prophecy children.sit at the feet of Jesus and tell him to change whatever needs to be changed in your life, tell Him to prepare you as a mother and a wife.go for counselling and have time to pray with servants of God who have overcome, their testimonies will build you faith. tell God about the kind of man you want,ask him to prepare him for you so that by the time he comes, he is the perfect fit. do not woory it wont be long. remember to sow seeds into other people’s wedding budgets and needy families and pray with those going through the same situation. your seed will be a memorial before the Lord and it will quicken your miracle
Sussannah
Thanks Courtney for the encouragement and nothing is too hard / impossible for our God.
Thank you sussannah
Don’t get me wrong, I do want to be married and I’ve done all the things you’ve advised along time ago. I have scriptures to support my desire as well. I must admit that at times I feel emotionally fatigued, especially when it looks like something is about to happen and it don’t, that its distressing, not to mention pressure from family and friends. Anyway, I am fine without the added pressure. I know my Father is aware of who I’ve prayed for and that we will be suitable for each other.
Have a great day
‘I THINK I MIGHT MENTION THE WORDS “SOUL MATE OBSESSION” AND “LOVE YOURSELF ” SOMEWHERE IN MY STATEMENT.’
But, first I will start with a warm “I love you and Am better than any man in the universe could ever be towards you– From God.
As much as I use to think about finding a mate, I discovered it was due mostly to me associating myself with how other around me used marriage status as a form of classification of worthiness, or the worth while-ness of a Christian women.
Unfortunately, when any person began to believe that personal fulfillment is found somewhere outside of God’s grace and love, deception has an opportunity to take her hold on them in ways that are, at times, not even recognize.
Here is an interesting example, while studying a (very nasty) documentary on ‘Human Sexual Addictions’, I learned that sexual addictions are only slightly different in nature than any other Compulsive Addictive Disorders, and for the most part, don’t even start out as ‘Sexual Addictions’ per say, but rather, are manifested in a more wholesome disguise called ‘Soul Mate Obsessions’ meaning a compulsive disorder towards sizing up suitors.
This discovery proved to be very useful to me in how it helped me better understand myself and why for years as a single woman I could never find contentment or true peace in my walk with the Lord.
The desperation in the hearts of so many sisters has become very transparent. And in my amazement, there is still either no counseling or inappropriate counseling for Christian women living with the Compulsive Addictive Disorder of Soul Mate Obsessing.
Not understanding that celibacy have its place in the lives of some Christian women just as marriage has it place in the lives of others is what robs us of our legacy to experience Divine wholeness as daughters of the King. God have places of hidden treasures for us to discover in our current stage of development rather with or with out ‘a man’ Amen!
I pray we all find our way through Jesus Christ and may He keep our cups full because it is fitting for Women of God to remain at peace, totally emotionally fulfilled, and all around satisfied while celebrating celibacy experiences.
God bless,
I‘d like to open up a discussion and explore resources to anyone interested.
I was in a very long relationship with someone who was not right for me. I left the relationship and got closer to GOD. I know what I want in my life, but now I find it much harder to date as a christian woman.
Michelle, as a young christian woman myself when it comes to dating we have to wait on the person that God intended for us. That is so we won’t get caught up in the world views of a relationship which is way different then God’s view of a relationship before marriage. I to broke up with a boy who wasn’t right in my life. So I know how it feels, but God has promised us a king, but we have to patient.
my boyfreind broke the relationship with no clear reasons til now.but one thing i remember he sent me a text appologysing for being drawn to a lady friend of his in our fellowship.i forgave him.he did not change his actions towards this lady though i explained my plight to him, i still love him and praying for a reconciliation, believing God to bring him back. currently he is getting closer to this lady and every time i see them together i get hurt, this takes me deeper in praying and fasting for him to come back. what hope do i have for my believe for God to intervene in such a situation to change? please help
sussannah
East africa
sussannah
East africa
:: You should try to think outside of the box. Lust is hard for the flesh to get over. In addtion to that time is of the essenace. I am going through something similar, yet there is no third person involved. I believe once someone feels for another, there is no longer a need to keep holding. Unless the “guy” is begging and willing to wait until you forgive him. I guess don’t make it so easy for you to be open to him.
This comment is for Sussannah. About praying and fasting for God to intervene for her boyfriends return. The greatest gift we have from God is the power to choose. The word says choose ye this day whom you will serve. This man has a right to choose whom he wants to be involved with. And it looks like he has told you and now you have to accept the information that has been given. Once you have knowledge of somthing it breeds responsiblity on your end. Take what you know and move on. If someone is able to leave it wasnt meant for him to stay. Be blessed
i am 28 years old single female and never been married. I so desire to be married at this point in my life with children, and i am trying to remain faithful to Gods desire and promise to bring me my husband at the appointed time but its getting harder. I look around and see everyone around me in relationships with kids and i desire that. The difference is, i want Gods best for me; i guess i just get tired sometimes of waiting.It seems like it is so hard to find a good brotha…a man that loves God will all his heart, handsome, smart; and the list goes on. The big thing is because i have no children, i do not date men with kids. I just want to experience parenthood for the first time together. Don’t get me wrong, its not hard finding quantity…its quality that takes forever. I just need continual Word to get me thru. Lord when will that day come?
Nik,
The stats are against you. The number of eligible bachelors isn’t what it should, or could, be. Make sure that your expectations are fair and realistic. If they are, you don’t have to compromise. However life is full of compromise. Are there any things on that list of yours that are lesser priorities? Maybe now is a time to redo the list and adjust it to fit what is most important to you. Few of us get everything we want.
All the best,
Bishop Jakes
Bishop Jakes, I really,truly appreciate the wonderful materials that you continue to produce, as they always seem to be right in line with what the Lord is doing in my life. I do have a question. Being a single Christian woman, I really hate dating. When I became saved some years ago, I prayed for the person that God would have for me, and decided that I would let him pick and choose, as this is a major decision, and I feel that many people , even Christians, do not take the time to ask Jesus his opinion about their choice of a spouse, or even if the person they choose is Gods best for them. I know the holy spirit is our helper, and that as believers , our steps are ordered by the Lord. Still single, and having the desire to be married, can you please provide me with your opinion on the proper, biblical way in choosing a mate? I dont remember reading about dating in the Bible, I do however, remember,God orchestrating situations where two people were brought together to fulfill his will. So my question is, are we to date, and look for those Godly charactaristics in mind when choosing a spouse, or are we to simply allow the Lord to bring that person into our lives, and ask for confirmation that this is, or is not his choice. I feel that since The Lord knows the beginning from the end, that it is best to just ask him to present this person, and make it clear if this is his best choice for my life. He has created me, he knows me better than I know myself,so I figure that he would make the best choice in this area. Once again, I thank you, because it has been many times that the Lord has used you and your ministry to provide me with a timely word in season. I just want to make sure that I am approaching this area in my life with wisdom. Being a single Christian in todays world, comes with its own sets of challenges as I am sure you know, and any bit of biblical knowledge is well appreciated. God Bless !
Hello Bishop Jakes:
Thank you the writing this book, it is such an encouragement and an eye opener. May God continue to bless and increase you. I am in an interesting situation; I am a 31 year-old single lady from Kenya and live in California. I want to get married and have kids someday – and I want to marry a man who is truly a king, a prophet and a priest in the home. I have met nice guys here in the US. Unfortunately I seem to meet a lot of guys who have issues with race, but never nice guys from Kenya. I really liked this one guy (American) but he turned out to be one of those people who have problems with inter-racial marriages – he mentioned that to a friend who told me after he found out I liked him. (He is mixed: black (father) and white (mother)). The problem now is that he talks to me often, calling me pet names like “my dear”. I don’t know how to deal with this. I prayed and asked God to take away every feeling that I have of him that is not of God. I still have feelings for him, but I wonder if they are true and how to deal with it. Sometimes I want to just go to another church and hopefully the distance will do me some good. What is your opinion on this?
Anne
i have always heard in the church, if you desire a husband, get busy in the church and focus more on you, and if you don’t go to church- start going. don’t even worry, God knows your heart and desires, and before you know it, someone will notice you. sometimes our blessings come when were not expecting them. it’s not to say it want get hard sometime, but it’s like when you want something so bad that’s when it seems like you wait even longer. be blessed
Nik,
I completely understand your frustration. I am approaching 28 and has never been married nor do I have children. There are times when I would question GOD asking, ‘what’s wrong with me?’ ‘Did I do something wrong? if so, show me so that I can get it right’, so that I can have the desires of my heart. There were times when it seems like everyone around me was being blessed and having the desires of their hearts besides me. Recently, I decided to dig deep within myself. Spending more quality time with GOD and myself, I discovered that I am bitter, hurt, scarred and emotionally damaged. I have been re-living my past for all of my life. I have stifled healing from my child-hood to adult-hood. I have masked my pains for years just to appear as if I have it all together. Looking from the outside, one would say I have it all,career, beauty, morality etc. Yet, I am wounded and broken. I have learnt that the more I dig, the more I cry. But, I am crying with a purpose. I am emptying all the junk I have compiled and allow people to compiled over 27 years. This healing process is NOT an easy one for me but I rely on FAITH when my feelings are overwhelmed. In addition, I believe that I will be completely healed from every broken, scarred and wounded event that I had to endured. I have a GOAL. Furthermore, when I am healed, GOD shall grant me ALL the desires of my heart including my husband (one who loves me as Christ loves the church) and children (twins who will call me bless). I become emotional when I say this, nonetheless, I do believe that my delay was for my good. I may not understand, but I’ll trust HIM. For Delay does not mean denied…Sister, Stand Strong and DONT compromise who you are. Im believing GOD with you !
luv you
your sister in Christ
I must agree with Nik. I’m a single 29 year old female and it’s hard. I see all my friends getting married, having relationship and having children and I ask myself when is it going to be my turn. God why am I still alone. I now understand that God is getting me prepared. He is showing me things I need to change about myself first. We as women have a long list of what we want in a men and what he needs to look like. But God is showing me that it is not about the looks or the things on the list. It’s the character in a person that you must see. God brings us good man but we over look them because they are not who we think they should be or look like. And some men that we meet are only supposed to come in our lives for a season not a lifetime. They come to teach us a lesson. But we have to learn to keep them as seasonal people not turn them into lifetime people. We also must understand that the Devil bring us relationship and so does God. I don’t want us to give up on God’s timing that, we rush into something. The Devil knows our weakness. So, that is why when we are in the time of what we think is “loneness”, we need to take that time to look within our self and see what we need to let go of or change. We need a time of growth. Without growth there is no change and we become stagger. As my relationship gets stronger with God, he has reveal things about myself I didn’t know or didn’t want to change. So, ask God to reveal thing to you and he will. Ask God for the desire of your heart and he will provide them. Know that God timing is better than ours and the man God has picked out will be better than the one we pick out. So, use this time to find out who God want you to be and need to be.
Trusting in God.
I’m single 36yr female with no children and it’s really hard to see all of my friends getting married and having children. I keep wondering when my turn will happen. I’m successful, have everything that would be appealing to man. Sometimes, I get so angry and upset. I broke up with a man that I thought was going to be my husband five months ago. It just seems like the man out there in the world are not up to par. I have asked God to please send me my husband. I’m very specific in my prayer for a husband. Just coming onto this site kind of makes me realize there are other people in the same position as I am. But it also just make me think if there are this many woman in the same position I am then will I get the desires of heart? I know everything is in God’s time, it just feels like I have been waiting for my husband for 10 years and no one!!!!
I was in a relationship with this gentleman for 3 months and we were doing great. I used the word “hate” a few times, because I used it casually in the past (with friends and relationships). He asked me to stop because he did not like it. He has a straight head on his shoulders and he is an awesome guy, yet I feel that he doesn’t show his emotions enough.
Him and I got into a disagreement and we were texting back and fourth (because I was at work). The agrument was about the night before, and I texted ” I hate you…” from this point he says that I am evil, I do not apperciate life or the people in my life. He goes on to tell me that I can not control my emotions which I admitted too. My experience at home ( a single mother with the same problem) yet, for the past 48-72 hours I have been attempting to ger things right with us.
He has began to smoke weed again, he had stopped because I asked him to. Last night I asked him if he wanted to be with me he said yes, yet he was in a room full of people and while we were talking, he could barley hear me. I feel, if he was attempting to make this relationship work out he would have gotten up and moved to a room where he hear me (without me asking him three times) then, there would have been some type of effort. Him and are came to the conclusion that we were not together within 30 minutes of him saying we were. I love him, he is awesome… I am going to get better with my emotions (anger/saddness) but should I try to make it work once more?
Courtney,
Making things work doesn’t just mean getting your way. Asking him to change his behavior opens up the door for him to ask you to change yours. It seems that you are asking for more than you are willing to give. If I were counseling you, I would encourage you to move the (h) word out of the way. Temper tantrums can be dangerous and destructive for both people. His disengaging sounds like despair. I hope you both get help with your issues and try to get things back on track again.
All the best,
Bishop Jakes
I have been divorced for over 12 years. I have two sons. My marriage lasted on paper 5 years and in reality 3 patchy years. We were not right for each other but we were meant to have these beautiful sons. Before we were married we had problems in our two year relationship prior to marriage. But you see what you want to see when you need to see it. I felt cheated for a long time because he misrepresented himself and his intentions and I was angry for a long time. I have tried relationships bu tI have such a low tolerance that if one of my pet peeves is awaken - I am done no chances none!.. I have not had a relationship that lasted more than one year in forever and I am discouraged so I stay busy with excuses and obstacles that I put in place for myself. I want to be a part of something but now the people meet are in a huge hurry and not getting to know me or letting me know them so I cannot do it. Not to mention I have to be an example for my sons on how women should be treated and how they should be treated by women. I am lonely and scared.
Rachel,
I understand that you need time to trust and evolve as a woman. But you must also understand that whoever you date or marry has issues too. You can’t ask for time and patience and then in the same breath give none to other people. If you do, you will end up alone and lonely because you know deep down in your heart that something about the way you handle others isn’t really fair. Find out why you are so afraid! God hasn’t given us the spirit of fear. Whenever you see great fear, you have to confront it or it will rob you of life, liberty, and the precious pursuit of happiness.
All the best,
Bishop Jakes
The Bible says, seek ye FIRST the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added.
You have time for God controls the universeand He knows what you have need of. Wait on him. Do not be anxious
**Nik**
I totally can relate to you on this issue. I’m 24 and single and everyone around me is married with kids, or in strong, committed relationships with kids! I choose not to date men with kids either, mainly because I would like for us to share that experience and bond together. I sometimes feel that I should “give in” but what I realized is I need to take “ME” out of it, and let God take care of it. I need to appreciate the time God has allowed for me to have to take care of myself, so that when I’m ready my prince shall come!!!
I am a single mother with 3 kids and my son is only 2 months old and it is hard to date or meet some one because of his age. I have met someone and I have expressed to him my sons age and he has concerns, and I am kind of nervous.
Mo,
When you date a woman with children it ultimately becomes a package deal. You might initially get a baby sitter in order to spend quality time with him and get to know him. But if he really doesn’t want to connect with the child, then he doesn’t want you. You come together and he has to know that up front!
All the best,
Bishop Jakes
HI Bishop
First,i will like to say i have your book in i really enjoyed reading it.Keep up the good work and may god bless you.Im a 32 old single mother who been divorce for about four months.My question is, how do i start my life over and start dating again. Im so scared because i don’t want to make the same mistakes i made with picking my husband who was very unfaithful in the marriage. Please give me some advice.
Brandy,
You must give yourself some time to heal. Four months isn’t very long to start dating again. Sometimes people who get involved quickly can’t see the forest for the trees. It takes a minute to see what happened the first time before trying again. Maybe this is a time to focus on YOU for a while. Some people only feel valuable when someone else loves them, but real value starts when you love yourself!
All the best,
Bishop Jakes
I am a single 31 year female. I have no children and I find it hard to find a dates. I don’t have a problem dating men with children however there are different issues when there are 2 to 3 kids and several different mothers. That is a whole different ball game. I am not saying that the men are bad but usually by this point don’t want to add any other children to the family so therefore there a problems in our relationships.
After being divorced for several years, I now find myself falling for someone and i am so afraid to accept him becuase of how badly my ex-husband treated me. I am afarid to let my heart open again, only to end up loney. I am trying not to make he same mistakes I made with my ex. This guy is erverything that I asked God I wanted in a man. He is a man of GOD, kind, patient with me, nderstanding, listens to me, spports my dreams. How do I get over my fears and just let this new relationship move forward.
on nik who wrote on the 23rd of september. dear nik, dont worry about your problem. kust remain faithful to God for he has heard your prayers and seen your tears. your dream man is coming your way trust and believe in Gods promises for there are yes and amen. be blessed. lulu
I am 54 years old and have been saved for 31 years. I never been married nor have any children. Reading all of your comments are very interesting. I have learned so much in these years about dating and being in the flesh. When you first get saved the first thing the devil put before you is what your desired the most which could be money, houses, sex, power and pride of life and many others. The first thing you need to consider is giving your life to God and developing a relationship and being intimacy with God. This means putting Him first in your daily life. The year 2005 I develop a relationship with God by changing my entire life with prayer and reading the Word of God each day. He who meet God early can meet anyone else later. God wake me up a great while before day to pray and reading the Word of God before talking on the telephone or anyone. I speak to Him everyday before I go out of my house to work or where ever. I have not miss a beat since 2005. Anything you do for 21 days become a habit. I record on my calendar each morning the time I get up to pray and record the time I finish. Recording my time keeps me on track and if I don’t see time on maybe one day then I know I did not take time to pray. This makes me accountable to God each day. I talk to him before anyone (putting him first). I am faithful to Him and have been so blessed by putting him first. When you put him first, it is nothing he want do for you if you ways please him. I challenge you on this. All of my blessing came unexpected and I did not ask for any of them. God saw my faithfulness and he honor everthing that I desired to have. These things blew my minds.
Never married out of infatuation. This does not last. This is nothing but lust and being in the flesh. Get to know your friend by following this steps: 1.Infatuation, 2. Friendship, 3, Courtship, 4. Engaged, 5. Marriage It may take two to three years but it is better than marrying when you first meet someone. You do know each others and make sure that each one love God and fear him. If God is not in the relationship, it will not work. God has to be the head of that MAN and the WOMAN under the MAN. Everything has to be in order according to God’s Will. Spend time getting to know God and built a deep and relationship in him not to put anything before him. Love God more than anything in the world because he can do what no one else can do for you. Never let no man come between you and God.
Hello Bishop. First, I want to thank you for being the Lord’s servant all these years. (I know it can’t be easy.) I am 24 and have been single for about 2 years and have heard you preach before on people being in relationships and continuing as single individuals instead of coming together. How do you make the transition into a relationship and still keep the parts of yourself that drew that person to you in the first place without continuing in a single lifestyle?
With things so advanced today we have to ask God to direct us we should never do any thing with out asking Him to show us first what to do.then we want have to put the chart before horse.
hey, how would you advise people not to date at a young age so ???
I meet is wonderful man online, it been almost eight months. But we have not meet in person because he lives in the UK and I live in FL but we share our daily life with each other. We talk everyday and talk about every thing, like what kind of marriage we will have to how we will raise our children and how to manage our money. My only concern is that he is very in to the church and I am not so much, I have made a decision to start attending services. I was raised in the church and as I started work I had to work on Sundays that I could not attend. I know in my heart that we are asking the right question to make sure that this is the right decision for us.
Hello Bishop, I couldnt wait to read your book. I have been in a relationship with a man for more than 2 years and we are planning on getting married next year lord willings. We are both christians and we want to put God first in all that we do and knowing that marriage is a huge step to take. Through our Relationship we have sin against God by doing ungodly things we are not suppose to do and we have departed from That. Do you think God honors that Kind of Relationship because we just dont want to jump into marriage and God doesnt Honor it. we want our marriage to be blessed. What are the steps we need to take prior to getting married?
hello Bishop, I truly thank God for you. You are a blessing to the body of Christ. Well here is my situation I have been dreaming about a man for I don’t know how long I have loved him from a far for ever, we have never talked, only small talk, but when we see each other I feel like there is something there. I don’t want to go up to him and say I want to date you. Basically I just want to be sure that he could possibly be the one. Thank you
I recently got out of a relationship about 2 months ago and I was left broken from it. This gentleman was the first to use the “love” word and I took that to heart because I NEVER had a man (not even my father because he isn’t around) to tell me that he loves me. I truly did love this man back. Well after about 8 months of being in this relationship, he was forced to move back to his hometown which is only about 6hours from where I am. I expressed to him that I was a little frightened at the thought of doing a long distance relationship but he told me that he was going to work hard to make it work. After I traveled to visit him, he broke off the relationship saying that it wasn’t going to work out. I then found out that he wasn’t faithful in the relationship (he never cheated but he almost did) and I didn’t understand how he could “love” me and break things off so easily. After a couple of days of the break-up he told me that he never loved me and he only told me so because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. But I know that this couldn’t be true because he told me he loved me without me asking or begging for it. It’s been two months and I’m still hurting but I’m slowly getting over it. I’d like to know what do I need to do to fully get over this brokeness because it’s beginning to become a hinderance upon my life.
I am a 21yrs old guy and at this point I feel like I should begin to date now the problem is I am not as sure as I feel I should be about the kind of person I can spend a life time with
Hello, I was listening to some of the ‘Hemotions’ series about how men process internally and its not good for man to be alone, and it really helped but where I get stuck is how are we as women supposed to help our boyfriends/husbands etc? If you try and get them to open up then some men don’t like it and it can end up pushing them away but if we are silent when they are and give them space won’t it just cause a rift and a coldness because they’re not opening up? Any men got any opinions? Because I had a male friend and he would hardly ever open up and its so hard to understand because as a woman i would talk about it.Anyway Thats just where I’m a little stuck thankyou for listening .
Hey bishop I jus want to say that you make proud to be black woman. you do not sugar coat things which important to me because I have not aqlways had a father there to share the realities if life. I do appreicat you pray tha tyou continue in God’s will for your life.
I think that this is GREAT!! I am glad that JAKES is allowing god to use him to help us, because we need it BAD.
Yes i’m an african boy . Thats what is happening in our generation today most they just do without knowing that at the end they are going to regreat in things like love and mariege
I am frustrated with the relationship situation. Why? Because I don’t hae one
I am 37 with 2 children. The oldest is 18 and the youngest is 12. Now that my younger child is getting older she doesn’t like hanging out with me as much. I desire a mate but I’m frustrated wiht the wait. It has nothing to do with sex, it’s all about companionship and ministry than anything else. My life is changing and turning around but their is no one to share it with. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!
I totally agree with you Gabby. I am also the mother of 2. A son in middle school and a daughter in college. It is difficult to find a mate. The book has helped me to eliminate the person that I was holding on to and hoping he would be “the one”. But after reading Before You Do I came to grips with what I knew all along…. he ain’t the one or the two, the three the four or the five! He should not have even been on the list!
Loneliness will make you do some stupid stuff. I feel great that I’ve been empowered with the knowledge of what I don’t want in a man and what I should look for in a relationship but…. the guys I meet have not had this honor. They start conversations off with “your sexy…. I’d like to sex you”. Yes I would love to meet a man of God and have a meaningful relationship that will lead to marriage but even the Christian men I meet are consumed with foul language, low morals, sex and plain stupidness. I might as well be talking to a unsaved man.
I know that I should not be unequally yoked. OK… I’ve been single for a very long time (12 yrs). Sure I’ve called my self dating and I’ve met some unsaved guys, a few christian guys, drug dealers, unemployed guys and even had guys at my church try to talk to me only to find out that their wives were in the next pew. YES I’m frustrated! Yes I’m tired! But I’ve been married to the wrong person before and now I’m ready for the right. The wait is long and the wait is hard but I do believe that God has a man in mind for me. This book is helping me clean my closet (mind) so that I don’t jack his up with my mess. It has also taught me that I have to power to take charge of my circumstances and create the life that I want.
So with that…. my happiness outweighs my frustration.
Like a few of the comments I’ve read, I too am in my late 20’s. I have been in a relationship for 3 years now. In a nut shall here’s’ my dilemma. I grew up in the church, I have no kids, colleges educated (psychology), and have often told that I’ve lived a shelter life (absent of the overt sins as the world would say). Yet daily I fall and repent. My boyfriend experienced sexual abuse, had a child in high school, and engaged in other risky activities (no jail) that I couldn’t conceive. He had a difficult life. But he’s been saved and sold out for God for 8 years now and is involved in the ministry. My conflict is that we come from extremely different backgrounds (extremely different). This is reason why I have not said ‘yes.’ Opposite do attract, but do it last? God can do all, but He has given us wisdom. His family of origin, past abuse, his little girl (who live in another state with her mother) are major concerns I have. His parenting style is different than mines. I’m by the book, and he’s more fluid with his decisions. Because this decision Is the rest of my life. I would appreciate your advice. By the way, even though I am out of the house, my parents blessings are vital…but they disapprove of my this young man (late 20’s) because of his past and potential to hurt (cheat) on me in the future.
I am a 40 year single mother of an 8 year old son. I have not been in a relationship for 5 years, and I am now ready to date, my problem is i am not prepared to have sex before marraige and where does one find a good God fearing man who is savin in South Africa?….I realize you are in the USA…just taking are chance…nothing is impossible to those who believe!
my boyfriend and i split up three months ago but yet it still feels like it was just yesterday. i use to cry almost everday but now i have gotten better and i have to say i had to ask god to help me,and most of all i had to start trusting him to heal me in this area of brokeness.on a daily rouetine i now spend time with god in prayer, devotions, praise, worship, and bible studying. at this time i am not interested in dating i d rather get to know me and love on the lord whom i know will not leave me or forsake me. I encourage you all to trust god for what ever you want to see him change in your life and trust your father to do it.
Hi, Did we stop posting in in october? Real quick I’m a 41 year old single parent currently pursuing My B.A. in Business managemnt All of my Boys are out of the home. So my nest is empty. I’ve step out of my comfort zone after choosing to wait until my boys were out of the hoome and after listening to one of bishops messages when He said “Ruth Come out of that Corner”. I was moved to come out and finally Do me for once after all of the P.T.A. meetings, Football and baseball games it was definatley time for me. I was Delivered based off of woman thou art loosed years ago, due to childhood molestation. I do have many testimonies I wished I had time to share, but right now, I’ve launched back out into the dating scene, after losing 86 pounds, the attraction of Men are overflowing. I’m ok with it, and I no longer have any fear or insecurities of someone taking advantage of me, but, I’m in a situation that is kind of simular to this movie I saw back in 2006 Called “Don’t touch if you ain’t Prayed”. starring Cece Pennistan. There is a part two and apparently a part three to that original movie, but if someone has seen the movie could you post some thoughts, theories or comments that are realistic. I need some direction on a major turning point in my life. And Along with this book which is so timely and the original movie I saw back in 2006 I didn’t get anything out of it. ALl I thought when I saw it is there was no way I’m going out like that. Being a second wife to anybody. And not only that, if the man, no longer found favor in his wife what makes me think he won’t eventually do it to me as a second wife, he may have a pattern. This is Not good.
Hello Bishop Jakes!!!
I just wanted to say the book “Before You Do” is the best book I read so far other than the BIBLE. Thank you Bishop Jakes. I as a 45-year-old woman is having faced to make constant decisions about 2 to 3 dates a year since I have been divorced 8 years now. I have rejected them all. I have learned to wait and see what their offer is before I would go anywhere with them. My prayer is that other women as well will chose to do the same thing and your book has been a inspiration to me for this decision - God Bless - Michelle M.
Hi Bishop,
Its been 6 years since I’ve been divorced and its been a season of upheavals. I was recently in a relationship with this guy for a year and a half and felt compelled in my spirit to seperate myself from him due to no sign of commitment. Its not that the brother had to ask me to marry him, but he had some underlying issues that he needed to resolve and was not committed to doing so. There was a book that came out a few years ago called, “He’s Just Not That Into You”. That book is liberating for any woman or man who tries to stay in a relationship, when all the signs say, the other person is just not into you. When you say those words to yourself, you feel liberated to know that it’s there lost. I knew this person a total of 4years and wasted all that time on a relationship going NO WHERE! Dealing with the disappointment, I ask you, how do you suggest that I move forward outside of steering clear of the things and people of my past and pressing toward those things that lie ahead? God Bless You!
Hello Bishop Jakes and everyone, I am here today for advice and guidance. I have been married for almost five years. My wife and I have just mutually in hearts said I do recently. For all of our marriage we have have been going in two seperate directions like a tug a war. We just had an eye opening experience which change our relationship. Now with this change steps has to made to move forward. I must admit that feel that i really dont know how to have a relationship after experiencing so many failed ones without success. My question and search for advice is what does a woman want for herself and from her man/husband? I asked m wife but she wants me to figure it out. Where do I start Bishop?
hi,
jst give unconditional luv to her, as christ luv the church.that calls 4 alot of sacrifice,frm u ,i believe she has feelings she mst reciprocate.also cm close to God and as 4 holyspirit He will teach u all things incuding hw make good man 4 ur woman
Bishop…..,
I will be 28 in a couple of months. I am a single, professional woman(educator, with a master’s degree), with no children. By God’s grace I have been celibate since I was 21 and have also not really dated since that time. I am very active in my church, and really love God. I am starting to wonder what’s wrong with me and am getting tired of waiting for a man to come into my life. I want to marry and have children. How can I continue to wait on God, when I’m so tired and lonely and kind of willing to settle?
signed: Ready to Give In
There are sometimes things that God doesn’t want in our lives. For example for the past 6 years I have been off and on with a boyfriend that I knew wasn’t right for me. God wanted me to be rid of him and let him go so I could focus on the Lord. Maybe God wants you to let this man go too. So that you can meet someone who God made just for you… your soulmate.
I dated a man after we had been friends for a year. He came at the most challenging time of my life and was very supportive throughout this period. I really thought this was the man for me as we were such good friends and I could ell him everything.Until we dated I never saw this side of him, he was different in a relationship. He hardly communicated about himself. He almost pulled back and he was such a workaholic.I knew that there was something he was running away from but I still don’t know what it is. The strangest part is that we broke off 3 years ago and I still have feelings for him. We are friends and talk but I would love to have a proper conversation with him to find out what happened but the problem is he has a baby with someone else now. I regret the decision of having broken up with him
Hi everyone, well am no expert on relationships but I think that one thing I’ve learnt in my past relationships is that it is much easier when we depend on God to guide both ourselves and our partners.A lady I wanted to date sometime ago asked me if I had prayed over my decision and that opened my eyes to see that no matter how much our hearts says “yes, she’s the one” we ought to simply trust God for His counsel and that I believe would help us alot.Let me say though that sometimes it’s very painful when God says “no” but every fibre in your body says “yes”,but in times like that what I tell people is trust that God will give you someone better than that. God bless us all and help us not to make mistakes in our choice of who we date or marry.
Be blezd i need information on preparing for a relationship as a woman.
Please help, I am 30 years old and I just mate this guy who wants to date me and I need advise what should I do
HELLO BISHOP,
I’ve been previledged to listen to ur messages on TBN and on the web. I’m a Nigerian, 26 yr old and never been married. i was invloved in a relationship with a man whom i feel is not right for me. infact i feeel very guity abt the relationship that i was literally in bondage. l love him, but i feel he’s not right for me. HE HAS EVERY QUALITY I DESIRE IN A MAN, YET I FEEL THIS URGE TO LET HIM go. Recently, I started a walk with God to strngthen me in my decision, cos i know now that i cannot do it by will power but by His grace. the problem is that i’m scared to death of being alone.He’s been very supportive both financially and emotionally. though, God has blessed with a job, and knowing the economic situation down here, i consider my self priviledged. But my problem is that i’m being pressured by family and society in to marriage. Yes, i wanna get married and have kids, but right now I’m still letting go of something i feel is not rigt in my life.I want to trust God so that i can embark on this journey, i am scared and alone in this fight. i would love to have a copy of your book Before u do, but i cant purchase online cos of Credit card limitation, so i have to wait till its in our shelves. right now, i just need encouragement that I’m doing the right thing by letting go of my desires and letting Him direct me. its the single most challenging thing in my life right now. Hope to hear ur candid opinion.
thanks and God bless.
Chi
Nigeria
Thanks for your comment I am right are you are in my life Im Thankful for this time in my life my relation with the Lord Is much stronger and know one needs to be added right now relationship are a lot of work when their not equally yoked! every day tribulations strenghten us to accept were we are in life and remember you are right were you need to be
so keep growing stay in the word of God and He will never leave you, or Forsake you.
Hello How you doing dont play the blame game please just forgive yourself and move on I did see you write and say he’s married and has a wife and child pray for him and his child and move on its just an old familar spirit if it was so great you would be there live your life!
Hello Bishop T.D. Jakes I Thank God In using you to write such a Great! Book “Berfore You Do” and your web-site is awsome God Bless You A True Man of God Who Really Cares Keep writing and sharing great rhema moments to share and to Shepardize your young flock I thank God for you Love your sister In christ.
I’m in the process of reading the book and the story about Carlos was one that I can relate to, because I have that type of approach to relationships. I am so easy to write someone off without making them aware of why or even letting them know my expectations. Actually, I was about to repeat my actions in the relationship that I’m currently being pursued in, but after reading that story last night, I going to take a different approach. You can’t get a different result without changing your actions. I am a single 31-year-old female, never been married and no kids and I’ve been on a journey to get to know myself better so that God can bless me with whom he has for me. I would like to thank Bishop Jakes in his part in my journey, by writing such an insightful book.