 | BEFORE YOU GROW:Blame |
Blaming others for what’s not going right in our lives is often than looking in the mirror and taking responsibility for what we have done to contribute or not contribute to our circumstances. If things are not going right for you, and you find yourself pointing the finger at others, turn that finger back at yourself, because that’s where you need to begin to make changes in your life. You and only you have the power to take charge of your circumstances and create the life you want.  |
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This is very enlightened and it’s hitting every corner. and center of our lives.
It is often when we see someone in writing that we have to take a good look into our own live the statement was powerful
My fiancee and I often blame each other because of the emotional baggage we carried from past relationships.
My fiancee always pointing the finger at my wrong doing and never thinks what he’s doing is wrong and throws my past life in my face.
he is only blaming you because he doesnt want to blame him self. he probably has something in his past that is worst then yours and cant get past it without blaming you for yours
You and he only blame because like the book says you remeber the hurt from the past and when someone does something similar you catagorize them in that respect and not for what they have done. Ive done this so much in my second marriage but i thank God for the book and wisdom and our marriage has take a 360 change because i let go of the past
I have been with the same man for 15 years and we live together,but I want to get married and live as husband and wife and it seems that when ever I bring up us getting married he gives me excuses like he doesn’t have the type of money for us to get married right now,or he says that we are common-law married and I tell him that if GOD doesn’t aprove of it than it doesn’t count.I have done somethings in the relationship that Im not proud of,and so has he,but I have got forgiveness from GOD,and I have forgiven both myself and him also,yet he seem to want to hold on to the past.He says that he forgives me but every time we have a disagreement there he goes throwing it up again.I wonder if I am wasting time being with him still.I keep praying that he will forgive me,but I still wonder why Am I still shacking up,and being with him when it doesn’t look like we’ll be getting hitched anytime soon.It has gotting to the point that I will not have sex(because I know that it is wrong)when he asks me why I wont have sex I just say that fornication is a sin and that GOD doesn’t bless shacking up,I tell him to find it for me in the bible where shacking up is cool,and you know what he said he asked his mother and she told him also that it’s not in there. He says that GOD knows we are together and I say yes but if god said fornication is a sin then thats what it is,and GOD’S word ROMANS 6:23 Ssays FOR THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH,THE GIFT OF GOD IS ETERNAL LIFE IN CHRIST JESUS OUR LORD. (NKJV) There were times when I did give in to him nagging me about sex and I just couldn’t enjoy it at all,I would immediately feel ashamed,regretful,and as if something was taken from my,and not added to me.I felt empty from having sex and I would cry tears that he didn’t care to notice as he would just roll over and go to sleep.Meanwhile Im tore up inside and I knew I had to stop having sex,why? because Im not married.So I stopped,but it is hard because like I said we live together.I have tried to explain all of this to him and he just don’t get.But still I pray and ASK GOD to keep me walking with him.YES,I found a TRUE lover and his name is JESUS! NOW WHAT DO I DO WITH THE man that is not my HUSBAND.I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING BECAUSE MY TRUE LOVER IS A JEALOUS GOD !
i believe that the both ofyou should look in the mirror and ask GOD to reveal yourself to you and i guarantee you think first before you do
first off gob bless you!i pray that you will pray to god for him to reveal to you if this your husband or not and if not take him away from you peacefully and be ready for god to move because he will do just that
My boyfriend and I do the same thing and I think this book has really hit home for me I am truly happy God ordered my steps and had me buy it …Wow !! Its simply a wonderful book !!
I hate to face up to my own
shortcomings. Its true facts
for my benefit good or bad. Its hard to make changes when you want others to change so you can feel better. What is this????
i was once doing the same thing, i stopped and asked GOD to deliver me from that attitude and he let me know i have to be an example to the people not worry about what they are doing because we lead by examples
I want to make my marriage work but I feel like i’m single in every since of the word. My husband and I have made mistakes but I have forgiven him for all the hurt pain he has caused me. He seems to live the past and lets it be a constant reminder to me. He never sees the good in me because he always has to look for fault or should I say someone to blame for his insecurities. My marriage has been one sided for several years and I’m at a stand still not knowing what to do. I continue to ask God for guidence and direction not only in my life but my marriage. Where do I go from here
Loni,
Wait on the Lord. Know that when you pray this prayer that God is going to deal with you first. Follow the Word. Continue to submit to your husband and be loving. Reassure him of his importance in your life whenever you can. Have faith. Don’t throw in the towel.
I know how you are feeling I have been married for 21 years this past May and my husband seemed to be going backwards in life as they say most men do. He is the one missing out. Missing out on you. The beautiful person that you are. Continue to pray GOD is listening and he is working it out. After all these years my husband has given his life to GOD. I never thought this day would come but we have gone through a lot in our marriage and I survived and he had to realize that it was not me but himself and I too had to stop blaming myself. Colossians - Chapter 3:19 husbands must love your wives and never treat them harshly. He will change. Keep praying.
Thanks Vickie. I’m still praying and waiting. I to feel the same way.
i know how you feel, but right now the only thing you can do is wait on the LORD and continue to be an example to your husband by submitting and not complaing. when i was going through that i put myself in a position to forget about my situation and concentrate on GOD and things begin to work out in my marriage and my life
I going through the same pain all she do is blame I know she has been see someone but i still so in love with her.
hi loni, our church recently did a 2day marriage seminar. My husband of 29yrs of marriage and I were so blessed by the seminar which was run by our pastors who have a kingdom marriage. I consciously decided that I wanted a kingdom marriage which our Pastors have.One of the requirements was to bare our nakedness before our spouse.This required talking with our spouses about everything that has happened to us in the past, which later on the enemy could bring against us. This was a very hard and emotional time for me as I knew that it could have cost me my marriage. However I was determined to have a kingdom marriage so after 2 or 3 days discussions with my spouse prepared me for the big test.The time came when i had to reveal(bare my nakedness) before him. I started to share some things and then came the biggest confession. Through tears and fear for my marriage I began to speak, but just as I started to speak it was like Gods hand (spouses hand) touched my hand and said what is the date today? what is the time? and the year is 2008. From this day forth everything that has happened to you (me)we are leaving it behind us. From this time and day we will go forward. The Spirit of God brought remembrance to me of Abraham when he was about to sacrifice Isaac and intervened at the last second just as Abraham was about to slay Isaac.That was exactly how it was for me, but you know what sister Loni? God said to me I now know your heart.God is a God of mercy and grace. He will never leave you nor forsake you. I have been shed of the shame that covered me for so long. I thank God that in his grace sufficient for you will bring healing and restoration to your marriage.
My husband and I were planning to move to ATL to start a new life and purchase a house. In order to save money- we gave up our apartment and move with his parents. We have been stay with them for 10mos and I feel we havn’t accomplish much staying there. In the time I became pregnant and expecting another baby in December. Our family has grown and husband has lost his JOB Which put a told on our family with limited income. I want to find another place to stay b/c I don’t like the enviroment we are raising out kids in - ( continuous entertaing every night) I have talk to my husband about moving into our own place. But,his parents has made plans to move into a bigger place for make more move for my older kids. But i want to move away in my own place. I want to get out the enviorment all together. My husband want to move into this new place with his parents sister, brother & kids and Me,husband and kids. I feel with us staying there is not healthy or my family and want to know if i should look for a place for my kids and aloud my husband parents rent out the new house and we have our place to stay in-
I know times are hard, but i feel we should be staying with his parents to accomdate their lifestyle and while I stay in misery. Pls help a married, but misunderstoond young lady. I just dont’ want to repeat the same patterns his parents has been repeating over the last 30yrs
Tequila,
The bible says it better than I ever could:
Ephesians 5:31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
You can’t cleave if you can’t leave. If you and your husband could agree on goals and then work on methods to achieve those goals, you could both be happy. And I bet his parents would ultimately be happier to live their lives without a second family in the house, even if it is a family that they dearly love.
All the best,
Bishop Jakes
i agreee with what Bishop Jakes has said, you can’t cleave if you can leave. keep praying and talking with your husband, i believe GOD is going to bless that situation real soon
**This topic is really hitting home for me, mainly because for so many years I have been guilty of this very issue…..blaming others. Whether it’s for “being pressured”(as I would say) for getting exceptional grades and completing college. To trying to become who everyone want me to be, when in actuality it was me all along!!! I have been blaming everyone for things I “assumed” they wanted from me, when it was ME who put myself in those situations.** This book is truly allowing me to re-evaluate myself from the inside-out!!! Thank you Bishop Jakes!!!
I’m at a struggle myself, not really blaming him but having that brick wall up so he can’t get too close. It seems that my husband put his career on hold after we got married & didn’t continue that drive in himself to move on. Some of the qualities for the reason that I feel in love with him. I’m opening upmore to God because I want to be a witness for my child to see & walk in GOD’S word. Prayer has help me along the way, just for GOD to open up my heart & receive HIM daily with positive insight, wisdom & understanding. I’m a firm believer that things can change with FAITH & PRAYER.
I am currently seperated from my husband of 8 yrs. I finally made the decision to move on with my life without him as my husband. This chapter in the book helped me to stop blaming myself for the abuse that I suffered and to take responsibility for what I contributed to the downfall of our marriage and to forgive him for the things he has done to me physically and emotionally. I had to make the choice to either be victim of my circumstance and wallow in that or rise above the situation and learn from it to effectively move on with my life for it to be the best that it could be.
I am a single female and I always thought that by now I would be happily married. Growing up I never experienced seeing my mom and dad happily together in one household. As a teenager I became pregnant by my bestfriend grade school. I raised my child with the help of my family from age sixteen to nineteen years old. By the time I reached twenty years old, my son’s father was killed. Every since then my life has seem so off track with my vision. I began to date again but have not had a serious, compasionate relationship since I was twenty one. I just made thirty and the older I get the more drama my relationships endured. For a long while I always seemed to find something wrong with the man whom I would be dating as the reason why my relationship wasnt working. But it wasnt until my last experience that I learned that my state of happieness with myself speaks for itself regardless to how well I cover it up when everyone is watching. I learned that I blaming my single parent childhood, teeange single mother experience and bitterness from being used or cheated on in a previous relationship was the innocense in me that placed blame for all things that went wrong in my life. Difference is now,as an adult people treat you for face value meaning what you’re worth at the moment. I learned that I have to let go of my past insecurities inorder to live a great life as I visioned. Placing blame is an addictive act that creates misery for yourself. It hurts now because my last relationship could have worked but I never took a look at my own ways and accusive behavior. I sometimes think back and cant believe the old me.Often I feel sorry for those who put up with me. But most importantly I look forward and pat myself on the back and say, It’s alright now, It’s over, Let’s keep living!
I was enlightened by the fact that we can blame our self; which is just as dangerous as blame others. The fact is that none of us are perfect, but better than we were. We have to realize that everything is a learning process and change does not happen overnight. We all have fallen short more than once and we are all trying to get it together. Sometimes I can be so critical with myself that it cause me to get frustrated and continue in my problems but I am learning that if I fall to get back up, be quick to repent and continue in the things of God. Never give up, but knowing who you are in the mist of the struggle and don’t look for blame. Just know that God is and will get the glory out of this, you can’t have victory without going through a battle and there is no one to blame because all things work together for the good those you love the Lord.
This is something that I always tend to do when I feel as though things are not going right in my life. I know that I need to look in the mirror and accept the fact that things happen to me because I have made wrong decisions in my life. The one thing that I have always wonder was why?
ME AND MY HUSBAND POINT FINGER AT EACH OTHER, ABOUT ALOT OF DIFFERENT STUFF, BUT WE SHOULD POINT THE FINGER AT OUR SELF
Sometimes in relationship issues we are almost ALWAYS trying to solve or figure out the issues on our own, and we sometimes fail to look in God’s direction( who’s jumping up and down waving, trying to get you to look him) and see what he has to tell you about the situation.
The Bible says we overcome him by the Blood of the Lamb and word of our testimony. So I am going to acknowledge the truth and be free. I left a church for a second time in 2006 because of he say she say. I had wars going on in the flesh, and I allowed sin to rule. I got pregnant, and I now live with my daughter’s father(my place was too small), still in sin I made this decision.
Well God does not leave you alone and He is showing where I went wrong. Now, of course I can say the person or people at the church made this happen. But I responded to the nonsense! I listened AGAIN to nasty flesh, a person that didn’t heal me, save me, give me new life, the Holy Spirit! The Bible says Who has bewitched you!
I know what God has done for me for 16 years. In the blame is low self esteem, doubt, hurt and rejection. If I hadn’t been in those places, I definitely wouldn’t have allowed my flesh to take ME where I went.
God is so good! I truly thank God for Bishop Jakes… WHENEVER I need to hear from God, Bishop is not taking a flesh break over the pulpit, he is sowing to the spirit and therefore reaping eternal life! That is a blessing! I am going to recover all in Jesus Name!
God Bless and be Encouraged
I have read the blame commandment and I was made to really think about somethings, statement we are the people we have been waiting for and no one else is coming. I had to take responsibility for myself and realize that I played a big part in my divorce after being married for 27 years and then after the divorce, I started to blame myself because I had to move my family into an apartment which was much smaller than what we were use to, if only I had stayed at least they would have a home and on and on with the blame game, then I realized through tapes from Bishop Jakes and now this book, that God is speaking to me and the blaming must stop. I was always a Ms. Let me fix it and make it better and it didn’t get better, but I am so much better now. I still cry sometime but I rebound real fast. God Is Good!!!
I blamed myself for something I did in my relationshiip with my ex-boyfriend (no, not cheating :)). It kept me stuck, and I couldn’t make sound decisions out of fear for constantly being blamed for the past. I avoided a lot of topics because I knew that he would throw my mistake in my face (like he usually did). But, I eventually stopped blaming myself and just accepted the decisions that I made—that gives me peace. I understand that he will probably continue to blame me, because he is not ready to accept his part in the decision he made in the situation. I wish I could get him to see that, but I know that it is something he has to work on for himself. Any other thoughts????
Sometimes other people are to bleme for some things in our lives, and we need to acknowledge it so that we can take charge of our own lives. I believe how we respond to who’s to blame is what determines whether we move forward, backward, or stay on Negative Blvd. Going to the person telling them they are to blame is not the answer, but we may have to go to that person and show them the effects of something they have done, and perhaps even ask them for forgiveness for how we responded, if our own actinos, in response, were not pleasing to God. I have found that when ever I rise above the negative feelings associated with the blame game, whether I am mad at someone else, or at myself, it is because I paused long enough to ask myself the question “Who am I really mad at?” If I believe God is in control of my life, then I must be mad at GOD for allowing it to happen. Instantly, I know that is not a good place to be.
This book came just in time. I think also that if a comment is going to be made about a womens body it should be about your wife’s. commenting about anothers womens body sounds like lust…
I always blamed an abusive mother for life’s problems which kept me tied to the past. Through Christ and a great pastor, I realize “If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me.” The result is an awesome sense of freedom!
When my ex-husband and I were in the process of separating, I was blaming him for the fact that I had put my life on hold to cater to him and my son, and I also blamed him for many of the things that went wrong in our relationship. That changed when I took a hard look at myself and decided to become more proactive about changing my life. I had to be careful because then I started to become too hard on myself. It is a balancing act, but I let God handle the things I can’t control, and I do all of the necessary things I need to do to control what I do have power over. My life has gone through a lot of changes, but thank God for this book! I wish it had come out ten years ago!
That is a big problem in my marriage. My husband blames me for all the shortcomings in our marriage and I blame him for not being the man he should be in our marriage. My husband never wants to take responsibility for making decisions for the family. He tells me its what ever I decide and the minute things goes wrong or doesn’t work out as planned he blames me. I blame him for putting all the responsibility on me. I feel it’s unfair and I have said to my husband on many occasions let me see what you want and how you would like to handle things and he always uses the line you’re better at handling these kinds of things then me. Good example when we were living in a rental property each time the rent was due and the landlord (Male) came over to pick up the rent he would always tell me to go to the door to take care of the payment verses going to face another male himself.
Bishop Jakes, I got married in 04′ and was separated in 05′ for 2 1/2 and now am divorced. I was married to a Bishop who was verbal abusive and I had been in a physical abusive marriage 13 years prior. But I married this 2nd man, because I believed he was the man that God had sent to me. But, I remember so clearly, God saying to me ‘How can (2) walk together unless they agree? And I said well, Lord he’s saved, I’m saved, he’s filled, I’m filled, so what is it that we would not agree too. I didn’t wait to hear God’s response, 1st mistake, because I really was excited. So, I went on and married him anyway, and Bishop, I found out very shortly after, what God was saying to me; after having 2 miscarriages, and crying out to God, God revealed that scripture to me. You have some spiritual Christians and then you have some that are carnal. And that was my battle in my marriage, and after much prayer I moved out, because I had a daughter from my 1st marriage, who was not use to seeing me talked to, and yelled at, and it began to affect her, because of what she was seeing. And my husband blamed me for abanding him, he blamed me for not giving him half of my taxes, which he doesn’t receive any, because he owes the IRS, and I didn’t know this before we married. But, now that we are divorced, I thank God, because the weight and abuse has been lifted. But, I don’t blame him for anything, I accepted that I missed God’s guidance. I wrote him a letter, letting him know I hold nothing against him, even through I know he thinks, I was the one to blame and the one that had the problem. I found out Bishop that you can’t change anyone, only God can, if that person wants to be changed. I wondered why for a long time, and God gave me peace in the why, a person has to first see they have a problem, and they must be willing to admit they need help. I said all that to say, I thank God for your books and all of the messages that you have been inspired to preach and teach by the Holy Spirit. They are life changing. I would just like for you to pray for me, because God has shown me so much since this chapter in my life, and I truly know that when you don’t blame anyone that has hurt you, you truly have genuine love for them, and compassion because of God who dwells within you, and you’re able to pray for them. Bishop I believe with all my heart God is preparing the one He has for me, because my desire is to let patience have its perfect work in me this time.
Need help how do you stop the pain from someone you love so much from always blaming you for everything when you know you are doing anything wronge my wife ask if go outside the marriage will i still be there all i could do was cry and ask god to help her and me P.S Love my wife so much down to my soul Help.
Why am I so inlove with my wife who can’t take blame for her self.Always putting blame i will never be wright in her eyes.
Need help how do you stop the pain from someone you love so much from always blaming you for everything when you know you are doing anything wronge my wife ask if go outside the marriage will i still be there all i could do was cry and ask god to help her and me P.S Love my wife so much.
I am a 25 year old woman. And I have never dated or kissed anyone. I have a friend who I have known since 1st grade and we reconnected about 8 years ago. he has been in and out of relationships - although I still haven’t had one yet. he smokes weed and it makes me uncomfortable but I don’t say anything to him because I don’t want him to think I am judging him. He’s asked me a couple of times if I wanted to take our friendship to the dating level. I am interested in him and feel pretty good around him (when he’s not smoking)and I told i would once I returned home from school. We agreed but when I came home he was in a relationship with someone until recently. A few days ago he texts me and reminds me of the agreement and wanting to follow suit with it. I was shocked because it hasn’t been that long since he ended his previous relationship- and is quickly ready to start something with me. I don’t like the idea of an “agreement” to date someone and now after I have started to move on and past the idea of us he’s ready for me now. I feel bad because I did agree to the deal but i don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who smokes and drinks and is so quick to have me when I doubt that he is over this recent woman. How do I tell him I don’t want to go through with it anymore without hurting his feelings our our friendship?
I wanted to blame him for the problems in our relationship. The real problem was that we were both sinning against God in our bodies. In the beginning it was pleasureable but as time past, sin took over, and it became more out of guilt than anything else. I had to take responsibility for my own actions and just say “no.” No matter how much I wanted this relationship to work, it just wasn’t worth sinning against God. I made a commitment to live celibate and got a responsible godly woman to agree with me on this issue. Yes, it hurts but it’s worth going through the hurt.
Don’t blame, be accoutable for what you allow, learn the problem, know the problem, and don’t allow it to become a problem again. When you learn better you live better.
i’ve been married for 35yrs. now my husband wants a divorce from me. he blame me for not beingthere for him so he took up with another woman.he was a preacher for 28 yrs. this is very hard for me to think that he would brake our vows so easily.i have to see a dr. because this has just about distoryed me. how do i over come this. i pray daily that GOD will help but my patience are almost gone. i love him so much. i thought we would be together for that last step of life together. please pray for us.
I think part of myy problem with my ex-boyfriend and I getting back together is because I feel like I have to compete with his friends. While we were dating he went out often and traveled often with his buddies. I had hoped that he would want to spend more quality time with me so that we could build on our relationship but no. He said I fussed and argued so much that he much rather hang with the fellas as an outlet. I only fussed cause I wanted him to spend more time with me. Now he blames me for our break up. It’s my fault that I feel the way I feel. Secondary, an option not a priority. He says maybe one day that special someone can get him to slow down. Dang! How should I take that one? Am I not worthy enough for him to slow down. How can we build this relationship if he still carries it like he is single always hanging out?