 | BEFORE YOU LOVE:Get Married |
We all enter in marriage with certain expectations. We see TV shows with “perfect” couples, always happy, never having any conflict that doesn’t resolve or wrap itself up in neat and tidy package within the confines of a 30 minute sitcom, a 2 hour Lifetime Television for Women Sunday afternoon drama, or the 300 pages of a paperback romance. But remember these are forms of entertainment; they are…fiction. And what they don’t tell us is that while happy endings are possible, they require a tremendous amount of work to achieve them.  |
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Im trying not cry as i read just the subtitles to these things. Before i got engaged, we both knew that in the beginning of being in courtship that we ought to pray and ask the Lord if this be His will. Through God speaking to us in dreams individually, and our senior pastor and parents confirming to us that this is the will of the Father, we thought that it was going to be peaches and creams from there. Not long after, a pastor from the church we had attended kept calling me early in the morning and in these words he would say “i curse your relationship with him from the root.” It scared me because i know the voice of my Father and i know im not going crazy. It kept happening. I thought that by the both of us serving under his ministry it would make things better. But our Lord is faithful!, because everytime this pastor would say such things, the Lord would send one of His faithful servants to prohecy and declare to us, and people who did not know what we were going through too, that our marriage, our lives together, our and children,(that we dont have yet) is already blessed. September 6 of this year was supposed to be our “special day”. But we had to post-poned the wedding, and thank God we did. We have taken the time to clean out our trunks and pray. Daily i plead the Blood of Jesus over our relationship and very soon to be marriage. I know that those words from that pastor will not prevail against what God has already ordained, but we are taking the time to clean and be cleansed. And trust that i will put him through the “final exam” still…lol. God bless and keep us in your prayers.
Bishop Jakes, keep these wonderful books of spirit filled wisdom and knowledge coming. Thank you because He and I wont have to go through what our parents did, which us unfaithfulness, unhappiness, and divorce. Thanks you a lot for allowing God to use you and First Lady. Love you all and God bless!
I’m engaged to my beloved fiance. I never thought that today I’ll be this confused though. The way he is behaving lately, it looks like he is going back to childhood. He stopped drinking because he nearly died of pancreatitis due to alcohol intake. He recently went back to drinking (he even smashed his car yesterday - drunk), he believes the only person who makes sense to him is his friends, he is always angry at me for no reason, like he is always looking for a fight. I love him wholeheartedly, but I’m scared of living an unhappy life. Please help, I need to make a decision.
hi Lusanda.firstly i think you need to pray and ask God if this relationship is His will and if He has purposed it for something.God has given us a discernment as well as reasoning capacity.if you dont have peace concerning his behaviour and he doesnt want to change i suggest you discontinue the relationship.it will hurt but will save you from an even bitter divorce.he stopped drinking not out of a desire to change/power of God working in him but out of fear of an illness.the root cause of his behaviour has not been dealt with hence the ‘re-drinking’ should not surprising.it may also manifests in other ways like anger as you said.if you really love him and want to marry him i suggest you give him time for reconciliation with himself and with God, His purpose and will for his life.things may only get worse after he has the security that you are married and you saying ‘i do’ was in a way an approval of his behaviour…why would he have to change?
Perfect Love casted out fear,I knw you love him but give enough time before u say yes i do cause dis issue of his drinking need to be resolved or else you will leave your marriage in misery cos you cant change him except God does.
I feel that I understand what you are going through. I am battling somewhat the same issues. The guy that I am to marry drinks and stops not due to health issues, but because of my threats of leaving, etc. He to has smashed “several cars” and has even received DUIs because of his drinking. He to has anger problems, he has gotten better with this. We have called this wedding off sooooo many times. I look at it this way, the ceremony is only a cermony and the situations that are presenting themselves now will be there after the ceremony. The ceremony doesn’t change the person, it only unites us as one because we made the vow before God. Please make your decision carefully just as I am trying to do. I feel that some think marriage changes people, but it doesn’t. We cannot change them either. It is so far beyond our scope, and is an area only for God. Pray for me and I will pray for you as well!
I would just like to ask each of you reading this to pray for me and my fiance. We are in the process of getting married Nov. 30, 2008 and he is currently incarcerated. We truly believe that GOD is in the mist of this union as we have both prayed and heard his answer to us. There have been many different confirmations that we both have recieved. However, some family memebers seem to think that we’re making a mistake. We know that if it’s GOD’S will, it doesn’t matter what people say becuase they say or do what they want. I just ask that you all that are true believer’s pray for us and continue to pray to we can continue to hear GOD speak to us.
My boyfriend of 11 years and I have decided to FINALLY get married. We are young with children. During one of our separations he slept with someone and this person is pregnant, possibly his baby. I’m looking for guidance on what I should do in this situation. Any suggestions?
T,
Have you earnestly sought God’s will for you and this relationship? There are several factors I feel you would need to take into consideration before further committing yourself to this relationship. Eleven years? Are there certain circumstances that hindered you from marrying him before now? I’m not encouraging you to dwell on the past, but to reflect on the issues that caused the two of you to have an 11 year courtship without a serious commitment. You mentioned that during one of your separations that he became intimately involved with someone else, which resulted in a pregnancy. Can you emotionally handle this and all the drama that could possibly incur? That’s a hard pill to swallow. Just be sure that this is not the same soup warmed over. Don’t be “in love” with the idea of being in love. You said that you and your boyfriend have FINALLY decided to get married, which infers that this decision has been tabled several times before. As I stated earlier, reflect on the reasons WHY it has taken you so long to get to this point. Is your engagement supposed to be a “gift” or “reward” to you to make up for his past mistake(s)?
Marriage is all about trust,love and patience.It is a personal decision you have to make by counting the cost because any advice given to you by anyone,it is still you that will live with him.I will advice you to settle this issue with God because is only him dat knows the end from the beginning.Also you have to accept the child if is confirmed that the basby belongs to him.
I have been dating this guy off and on for about 5 years now and the more I get to know him the more I feel he is not at a maturity level I can deal with. He tells people that I’m his fiance’ but only by his word of mouth. I love him but not in love with him. I can’t seem to forget what happened to us in the past. I did love him once; he cheated and I’ve prayed and asked God to direct us and for me to forgive him. I know God has answered my prayers because I don’t feel the hurt anymore and I think I’ve forgiven him but I cannot get back with him. I guess I felt that since he is younger I would not get the opportunity to love again or have someone love me therefore I thought of a second chance but I’m not feeling him like that. Please pray for me that I do the right thing.
Sha I completely understand how you feel. I am currently dating a man for 5 going on 6 years, and whenever I ask about our future he completed avoids the topic and does not want to speak on it. I too feel that he is very immature for his age of 33. I love him and I know that he loves me alot, but he tells me that I am “pressuring” him to get married and have kids. So I recently put my foot down and told him I wanted to end the relationship. He didnèt take it so well and told me that he cant live his life without me. If that was so, why is it so hard for us to get married? I have prayed about this issue and my decision to leave or to stay and hopefully by discussion with other they will help me with insight and knowledge
Lusanda,
I can fully understand why you would be apprehensive. This is the man who you’re depending on to be a provider for you and your family–to be the head of your household. His behavior is not characteristic of one who is ready to take on this great responsibility. His decision to drink (and drive) affects so many people. The quick and easy answer is to tell you to run as fast as you can, but it’s just as easy to tell you to encourage him to seek counsel through his pastor and a support group. I agree with Von when she said that by marrying him without some type of intervention just sends the message that you’re okay with his behavior and you’re willing to tolerate his putting his life as well as yours and others in harm’s way. Remember that the lack of love and respect he has for himself will be a reflection of the lack of love and respect he will have for you.
My husband and I have been married for three years.The first two years we spent in separate states.He was in the military and I was finishing college. This year has been very terrible. We disagree every other day. Then we don’t talk to each other. I believe that when I do talk to him he stores it and uses it against me later.He speaks alot about my faults and it appears that he has a difficult time with self ownership. I found things that lead me to believe that he has had an affair, physical and/or emotionally. I have been encarcerated,one night, because of an action I commited to him. I feel emotional deprived. I have not acknowledge his feelings as I should have. We attended counseling before marriage but it was not extensive. Before he left the states, we attended counseling sessions.I still continue to go. I am praying for God’s will to be done and me the ability to follow his plan for our marriage. I am seeking God’s answer on getting a divorce or not. My husband addmitted to some of the evidence I had veiwed. However, he did not tell me all of it. I think he will fight against continuing counseling when we are in the same home again. Need direction.
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR FOUR YEARS NOW AND WE SEEM TO BE HAVING A HARD TIME GETTING ALONG . HE IS ALWAYS ACUSSING ME OF CHEATING ON HIM AND HAS THIS SENCE OF UNSECURTIY . I HAVE NOT GIVEN HIM A REASON TO THINK THAT I WOULD CHEAT ON HIM FOR I THINK THAT GOD FINALLY BLESSED ME WITH A GOOD MAN.BUT HE SEEMS TO HAVE A SHORT FUSE WHEN IT COMES TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING THAT MAY BE HE BLAMES ME FOR ALOT OF THING THAT ARE HIS FAULT AND HE ALWAYS TELLS ME TO GET OUT HIS HOUSE WHEN WE ARGUE I PRAY EACH NIGHT FOR GOD TO HELP ME AND GUIDE ME TO WHERE HE WANTS ME TO BE BUT AT TIMES IT’S HARD BECAUSE I DO LOVE HIM SO MUCH I CAN’T IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT HIM. I NEED ADVICE IN SO MANY AREAS I READ THE BIBLE FOR DIRECTION BUT I THINK THAT AT THE END OF THE DAY I LISTEN MORE TO MY HEART THEN WHAT GOD IS ACTUALLY TELLING ME, WHAT SHOULD I DO SHOULD I CONTINUE TO PRAY AND HOPE FOR THE BEST OR SHOULD I JUST END THIS AND PRAY THAT GOD WILL PUT ME WHERE IT IS BEST FOR ME.
April, both you and God know the TRUE desire of your heart right now. You know what you want BUT at the same time, you know what you NEED. Just be patient but not helpless. Pay close attention to smaller things and then focus on the BIG picture. Show him Jesus within you. When times get tough just smile twice as hard and say to yourself: “God I trust and continue to walk side by side with me!”, Girl, I promise you, before you know will see how you have changed and God will help your husband desire that same change for the good of yall relationship!
just to bring a little humor to the post site.
“True or False?”
“Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked.”
word of encouragement ot very one in generall especially those in marriage. am single myself but intend to get married before am 24yrs am 21 currently. it is important to committe everything in the hands of the lord be it good or bad. just trust in the lord. am praying for those famillies that are about to break. may the will of God be done in their lives. may God restore them right now may the marriages be happy and blessed. I pray for those who are praying for husbands and wives may the GOD lord grant their hearts desires and may God bless me and my boyfriend.Amen
I have been reading the individual entries on the site and originally wanted to share my own experience. What I will share is that marriage is a big step and requires a lot of work. As Jakes says, this is not something that they teach you in school. For the Ladies, I would encourage you to read HE-motions, a number of the things you mention here are things Bishop Jakes uncover in the book and provided explanations for women to decode the “secret” behaviors of men. Yes love is the foundation but we must continue to acknowledge that it will still take work. I will continue to pray for all of us, God will provide the answer. Hold On, all things will be well!!
What advise would you share for the mature couple getting married. We both are christians and our children are grown. We live 60 miles apart.
what do u do once you find out that after your married that you wish u would of waited due to mess showing up after the i do’s i feel so traped. everything was great at first but now well…
Monika,
Let me shar ewith you a few things I have learned in this year being married to my husband. Regardless of how long or short you know a person you will never know that person. The man you dated with all the sweet words and nice gifts is still there just in a new season. I know on my behalf I don’t like change and it is change that will drive you apart. Remember that by faith you two were brought together and leave it by faith alone that you are taken apart. Change is not a bad thing its just different. And look at yourself because if you have prblems in your marriage it is both of you not just one. God Bless
Wow, I wish this book was out before I got married. I think one of the bggest setback for me was not going to pre-marital counseling with my spouse to discuss how we wanted this marriage..
now almost 4 years later, after many heartaches, we are separated…have been for almost 1.5 years. Got 2 young kids…practically still babies. Haven’t heard from him in almost a year…what should I do?
Please help! I feel like I’m truly out in the wilderness.
WELL AS FOR ME I’M CONFUSED ABOUT MARRIAGE. IM ENGAGED TO A MAN 27 YEARS OLDER THAN ME. WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 2 1/2 YEARS AND WE LOVE EACH OTHER A LOT. BUT OVER THE TWO YEARS HE HAS NOT BEEN AS PRODUCTIVE AS I FEEL HE SHOULD BE. (BUSINESS WISE) I HAVE TWO BUSINESSES OF MY OWN AND IM TRYING MY BEST TO MAKE IT ALL WORK, BUT THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS NOW IM JUST TIRED! I MET SOMEONE ELSE WHO ADORES ME, OUR CHILDREN GET ALONG GREAT, AND HE IS VERY HELPFUL. HE WOULD ALSO LIKE TO MARRY ME BUT I’M SCARED TO JUST LEAVE MY FIANCE’ WHO HAS BEEN AROUND FOR TWO YEARS. I HAVE ONLY KNOWN THE NEW GUY FOR 2 MONTHS. HELP WHAT SHOULD I DO?
wow, 2 months!! I would definitely wait longer than that. Wondering, how can you love or stay with two people at the same time? Make sure your kids are always a priority!
WOW! I’m forty and a single mother of one. Educated and work two to three jobs to make ends meet. I’m tired. What if I never get married? I say it doesn’t bother me but really deep deep down it does, but then I have to step back and ask myself why do I want to?
I am 21 and plan to get married next August 09 to my boyfriend of 4years. The only problem is that he may face deportation and I don’t know whether I cud handle leaving in another country other than UK
Hi Sarah!! You hold the power in your hands to prevent your boyfriend from depotation. I was in the same situation and my boyfriend feared that I would be depoted. I married him and this saved my situation and I am now pregnant. If it is God who said you will live together, you will. God bless
Hello Bishop Jakes and everyone, I am here today for advice and guidance. I have been married for almost five years. My wife and I have just mutually in hearts said I do recently. For all of our marriage we have have been going in two seperate directions like a tug a war. We just had an eye opening experience which change our relationship. Now with this change steps has to made to move forward. I must admit that feel that i really dont know how to have a relationship after experiencing so many failed ones without success. My question and search for advice is what does a woman want for herself and from her man/husband? I asked m wife but she wants me to figure it out. Where do I start Bishop?
I have been grappling with the corerctness of my decision to get back with my ex after which i learnt that he had fathered a child with his soon to be ex. It cut me like a knife and i was ready to walk away, but he came to me one day in pieces reaching out for help nd apologisisng for the pridicment tht he had managed to get us in. Sad enough I felt like I had to be there for him. We started to build on our relationship. However some months into it I had a call from the girl telling me that they were still physically intimate. I wanted to kill him I felt so embarrased and ashamed with my decision to still give him the benefit of the doubt for him to betray me, however I still choose to stay and work on the relaitionship for the benefit of my son s well, i knew that somtimes you have to exercise faith, and to be honest i always sid that i believed that they were still doing something, I didn’t exercise faith and what I believed in my heart manifested into reality probably becauSe I knew that he is a weak man.We were communicating a lot more and really focused on us. However not too long ago I was going through his phone and I found one of the messages he sent to his ex very sexually explicit. I hit the roof so to speak. I couldn’t look at him now I amlooking at the ruins of our relationship and i don’t know where to go with it.
before getting married my wife and I own both of our houses, my wife brother has moved into her house, which house should be rented or sold
prior to my wife and I getting married, we both own our houses, who should move in to who house